I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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