This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
