i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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