My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
