I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
