shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
