I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
