I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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