Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
