I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
