moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
