Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
