She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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