you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
