i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You are the jesus of drinking
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
