So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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