if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
