I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
