Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize