DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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