I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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