I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
