Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
