i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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