i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
