This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
