Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
