I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
