Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
