I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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