Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
