Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
