I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
