Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
