Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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