Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
