It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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