I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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