My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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