I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
