you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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