I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
