i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
