I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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