it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
