I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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