True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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