dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
