Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
