It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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