He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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