He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
