is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
