He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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