I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
