Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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