If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize