A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
