you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
