I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
