Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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