I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
