You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
