I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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