Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
