my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
