I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
