The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
