bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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