i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
