I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
