At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
