Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
