i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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